I was born HIV positive and have been living with HIV for over 30 years. All my life I have felt it was my fault.
I migrated to Canada with my parents as refugees. It was in the 1990s and I was seven years old. My dad died a few months after arriving in Canada. My mother and I struggled with his death and also with challenges from living with HIV. We faced immense stigma and discrimination. I was ostracized at school. My mother told the school about my status and then someone in administration told the parents. Before long, I had to leave.
Later, we moved to Toronto and my mother decided to keep our HIV status a secret. I grew up lonely. When I entered high school, I told someone I thought was my friend and she told everyone. Her parents told her to have nothing to do with me and my family. My mother kept me away from everyone. I guess she was afraid of people knowing her status. She never allowed me to join support groups for people living with HIV. She said I was putting her at risk if I disclosed my status, because I was disclosing hers as well. I am now 30 years old with no friends, no support, no life, and I am hurt, angry and disappointed. I know my mother loves me, but I feel mistreated. I feel that because of her, I am without a purpose in life.
I don’t know what to do. How I can talk to my mother about all these feelings? I feel if I start, I will never end and my relationship with my mother, who is the only person I have, will end. Please help.
—Trapped and Seeking Freedom
Emma: Thank you for sharing your story with me. It takes courage to open up about such deeply personal experiences, especially ones that involve so much pain and hardship. It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot. First and foremost, I want to reassure you that being HIV positive is not your fault. You didn’t choose this, and you deserve compassion and support, not stigma and discrimination. It’s heartbreaking to hear how you’ve been treated unfairly because of something beyond your control. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and a fulfilling life, regardless of your HIV status.
It’s disheartening to hear about the stigma you’ve encountered after migrating to Canada as a refugee. Remember, your journey and resilience define you, not the prejudices of others. Seek support from local organizations or communities that understand your experience. Your strength in overcoming challenges is a testament to your courage and worth. Stay hopeful and know that you deserve to thrive in your new home.
Your relationship with your mother sounds complex. While it’s clear that she loves you, it also seems like her fear and anxiety about your HIV status have led to behaviours that are isolating and harmful to you. When you’re ready to talk to your mother, consider starting the conversation by expressing your love for her and acknowledging that you know she cares about your well-being. Then, gently share how her actions have made you feel, using “I” statements to express your own emotions without placing blame.
Additionally, consider reaching out to organizations that specialize in HIV/AIDS support and advocacy. These groups can provide valuable resources, connections to peer support networks, and guidance on navigating healthcare and social services. Don’t hesitate to seek professional support from a therapist or counsellor who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings.
Thank you for your submission and readers, feel free to email your questions to me at safespaceemma@gmail.com.
Emma is a trusted community member who leverages her extensive experience in social services to provide insightful guidance to those in need.